Posts tagged derby

Once you pop, you just can’t stop…

applies to Dove Dark chocolates as well as Pringles.

Food: 2952+

  • Honey nut cheerios, 1% milk, banana, coffee, sugar free carmel macchiato creamer
  • strawberries, clementines, yoplait greek w/ fruit and granola, no bake energy bites
  • Tomato Basil Tortilla w/ turkey, reduced fat swiss, greek yogurt cucumber dill dressing, spinach, and a mushroom.  Apple & Crystal Ice Black Raspberry antioxidant sparkling water.
  • 10 Dove Dark Chocolates.  Sad Panda.
  • Spinach w/ grilled chicken, strawberry, clementine, boiled egg and mushroom salad w/ greek cucumber dill dressing.
  • Zone Perfect Fudge Graham Protein Bar
  • Energy bite, snap peas… wine… Yogurt Pretzels…


  • 1hr. Leslie Spin
  • 50 Push Ups
  • 50 Situps

Weight: 153.6

I don’t know what happened.  I ate my snack too early?  I had strawberries and clementines instead of my apple?  I was hungry all morning.  I thought since the strawberries and clementines were individuals I could trick my tummy into thinking I’d eaten more than I really had…  Nope.  I even ate my energy bites early (w/ my snack) instead of saving them for after lunch.  The result: maybe just one Dove chocolate after lunch… or 10.  Seriously.  1 became 10.  Sad Day.

Then for dinner.  Had my salad and was full-ish, but was heading to Spin Class, so decided to add a protein bar to ensure I had enough energy to get me through the class.  Bad idea.  I was a ‘lil bloated…  plus when I came home from class, I had the psychological need to eat…  so I ate snap peas while making lunches…  and snuck an energy bite into my mouth instead of my lunch…  and finally decided to whip out my emergency non-candy-bar sweet treat: Yogurt Pretzels.  I ate them til I felt sick from sweetness.  Then went to bed.

Spin was so hard yesterday!  Lots of heavy endurance-y stuff.  I was dripping sweat the entire class.  It was awesome!  I felt great afterward!  I usually go 1-3 times a week, and have been barely making 1 class lately.  Which means I enjoy it so much more!  I know what you’re thinking.  I should apply the same thing to derby.  The thing is: I enjoy derby very much, and when I miss a spin class, I don’t have to worry about getting behind on strategy.  A) don’t care.  B) strategy in spinning?  nope.  Derby is different.

I skipped walking Reilly yesterday.  We walk her twice a day rain or shine or snow or drizzle. Yesterday was windy blizzardy during her walk time, though.  I told Tim “Reilly text me earlier and said she doesn’t want to go for a walk because the wind is making it too cold…”  😀  We played ball in the house instead.  It was fun.

My school’s newspaper has a WordPress now.  I commented on a post as “PhantomMenace.”  Hopefully this doesn’t mean they’ll find my “meanass” blog…  that could be bad…

Oh–finally weighed myself this morning.  I’ve gained 3lbs.  Ugh.  Motivation.  3lbs of chocolate fat that needs to go!  Must resist!

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Emo Menace has got to go. I ordered black skinny jeans last night. Wtf?!

I really have to shake this new Emo-Menace.  I don’t like her.  Besides being a bitch, well… she’s just no fun to be around.  Or live inside.  I had a great weekend with my family and friends and teammates.  And I was so excited to skate with USPS on Sunday (I ❤ those bitches.)  Plus it was a nice change of pace from having such a Contenders focus lately.  I was just so incredibly negative and awful on the bench.  😦  I had almost nothing nice to say about/to anyone.  I had a good scrimmage, I played well, but what I remember is the douche-tacular strategy I effectively employed against Massie.  I don’t remember that I did it well.  I just remember how I felt while doing it–like a complete dickhole jackass.  And b/c I was trying not to be a complete dickhole jackass clown, I almost fucked it up.  And being so excited Misto caught Cruelie that I ran out of the box onto the track behind Cruelie (who was jamming.)  I don’t think she got my point, but it was still a stupid thing to do.

I’ve been listening to Bonnie D’Stroir’s Puppy Talk over and over and over again.  And telling everyone else to do it as well.  And I’m trying to internalize it.  And I completed an activity that goes with it (and helped, and was fun, and had a smile on my face for the better part of Friday,) but…  well in terms of things being black and white.  Yeah.  I’m not good enough.  I didn’t make it.

And you know what?  Yes.  There is a March evaluation coming up.  More than likely.  😉  The Evaluations Committee has to decide we’ll need one, but with two returning Fight Club level skaters and two-four returning Contenders level skaters… yeah.  There will be a a need for an evaluation.  That’s a good thing for me, right?  That’s a light at the end of the tunnel, right?

No.  I don’t think it is.  I’ve had an epiphany.

I just have this feeling that even if there had been one more spot on Fight Club… they wouldn’t have picked me.  Even though in the end I the first person not to make Fight Club, I might as well have been the last Contender to get a spot.  And something tells me if there had been room on the 20, they would have picked a different person from the 10.  Not me.

And then there’s two Fight Club level skaters coming back.  I’m thrilled to have both back, of course.  It’s just…  well I’ll somehow manage to stay the first person not to make the 20 or the last person to make the 10.  The Captains aren’t going to want to make huge changes/upsets to their new roster and systems they have in place.  (That’s how I feel about these returning girls and the effects we’ll feel as Contenders, so I’m assuming the FC Captains feel the same way.)  I mean, who would you pick?  The girl who might do well or the one you already decided is doing well and who is already on the team?  Changes we make in March/April will be to accomodate the returning girls, not to move those of us already around up or down.  The rosters are set.  And yes, they are fluid.  But “life” isn’t going to get in the way that quickly.  There isn’t going to be any room for me come April, just like there wasn’t in February.

So.  Time to throw in the towel.  Fuck it.  It’s over.  It’s done.  It’s decided.  I need to stop clinging to a desperate hope that it will all work out how I want it to.  It is worked out the way it was supposed to.  I need to accept that and get over it.  I was upset for a month while this went on.  And everyone’s let me mourn the past week or so.  But it’s time to move on.  It’s time to let it go.  It’s time to give up.

It’s just that… well.  I don’t give up.  So I’m having a really hard time.  But I know people will soon stop being understanding.  And I really don’t like feeling this way, and I don’t want to anymore.

So more Bonnie D’Stroir, I guess.  I’m a Contender.  And that’s badass.  I just need to realize that again.

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Back to Balance

Food: 2687/1952

  • Coffee w/ half & half, Honey Nut Cheerios w/ 1% milk and a banana
  • Apple w/ Greek yogurt, fruit, granola
  • Salad w/ tofu, light italian dressing, VitaRain Zero
  • Luna Bar…Shitake Lo Mein, w/ parmesan cheese and soy sauce, Water w/ lime
  • Triscuits w/ reduced fat cream cheese, salmon, honey dill mustard, red wine


  • 50 Toe Push-Ups
  • 25 crunches, 25 cobras
  • Long Reilly Walk

So no real exercise yesterday since I ran the basketball scoreboard.  Fortunately, I only had a JV and V game, so I could run home to walk Reilly beforehand.  At least I got my 10,000 steps and pushups/crunches in.

Food.  It says I’m like 600 calories over.  But wtf.  I mean I ate, but it’s not like I ate a shit ton or something.  Anyway.  Bleh.  I’ve been squeezing lime into my water.  Adds some flavor and vitamins, I guess.  I like it.

That’s about it for yesterday.  Today I have nothing going on, but I am not going to exercise.  Balance.  I’ve had a busy week and have a busy derby-filled weekend.  I need to share some time with Tim.  Plus I need to do some laundry and get all my shit together for my weekend.  Eve and I are staying at Blew’s Saturday night after the fiveonfive Cheyenne Tourney.  Then we’re coming down for Sunday Bloody Sunday.  Then Monday the Conts are scrimmaging and I’ve got line-ups to write.  Plus I’m buried in Committee Work.  Basically, derby is fucking crazy right now, so I can have two exercise-free days in a row.  I’m going to do my walk, push-ups/sit-ups and some Yoga-ish and call it good.

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I’m not starting til Monday! But….


  • Egg, 2 pieces wheat toast w/ butter and simply blueberry jam, four turkey sausage links
  • Honey almond butter and simply blueberry on wheat
  • Chocolate…  bacon cheese ball…  triscuits (those are healthy!)…
  • Dirty assed martini with extra olives (apparently olives are healthy, too.)


  • 2.5 mile Reilly walk
  • Nona League Practice

Oi.  Practice last night.  Nona ran a back to basics practice, that was full to the hilt and left me waking up with that train-wreck feeling.  I’ve only been a lazy slug since we went on derby break—Dec. 21.  If you don’t recall, I continued my workouts and ate mostly healthy through the 21st.  Why?  Well I had big exercise plans for break, but then I got sick, and then I got lazy, soo… yeah.

Anyway, 10 days off.  And in those 10 days, I hit a Speed Skating class, a Spin class, and a scrimmage.  So I wasn’t even that much of a lazy slug.

But fuck.  We did 50 laps, broken into 20-10-20 last night.  My back screamed at me the entire time.  I didn’t get winded at all, but my back was like “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you” with every stride.  Rowdy tried to save me–we tried to partner and lap each other at every corner.  It worked for about three laps, but there were too many other people lapping us also for us to maintain our pattern consistently.  I also got some nice encouragement from Gaygan and Pippi (so glad to have Pip back) which was nice, but I wasn’t feeling very tough last night.

Sooo… basically what I’m saying is, even though I’m a lazy fuck, I am excited about re-focusing on eating and exercising because I don’t like how I have been feeling lately.

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January 2013 Challenge

I’m not doing pictures because I literally posted them two weeks ago.  Things haven’t changed much since then, though I’ve been indulging in everything bad for me and it is absolutely catching up at least in terms of how I’ve been feeling (lethargic and bloated with digestive problems to boot. I’ve been so sedentary, I get dizzy when I stand up.)

I’m doing this again.  Why?  I want to form habits.  I want them ingrained in me like second nature.  They aren’t quite there yet.

My “big idea” goals are: improve derby skills, balance my life, maintain weight at 145-150lbs. To achieve these three things, I will:

  1. 50 toe push-ups. 50 sit-ups, and 10,000 steps every day
  2. Actively drink more water
  3. Exercise 6 days per week:
    • Sunday: scrimmage
    • Monday: 2hr league practice, 1hr contenders practice
    • Tuesday: Spin
    • Wednesday: 2hr league practice
    • Thursday: Spin
    • Friday: off
    • Saturday: Body Pump/Body Combat
  4. One “Cooking Light” meal with Tim per week.

Balance is going to be difficult.  I’m so focused on derby, I leave little room for work or my husband, and those two things should come first.  Tim especially.  I enjoy cooking, and started the last TBT off more cooking/eating well than exercising, and I shifted somewhere in the middle.  I want to even everything out this go.  I don’t know if I can do it all, but I’m hopeful.

Oh–also–it is the height of basketball season.  I run the scoreboard for the team at my school, and they have home games 1-2 times per week through January and February.  That will cut into my exercising regime.

And I’m getting back into the swing of things today, but I’m not really starting until Monday, January 7.

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Pumpkin Eater

Food: 2716

  • Quinoa Bowl in 1% milk with 1/2 banana, walnuts, maple syrup.  White toast w/ honey almond butter.  Coffee.  Sugar free Pumpkin Creamer.  
  • 2 Silvermine Sub Catering Sammies via Blew.  Two Beers.
  • A home brew beer.
  • Leafy greens, sugar snap peas, cherry tomatoes salad w/ nonfat greek yogurt, pom, and red wine vinegar dressing* with Lemon Herb Wild Rice and a Grilled Chicken Breast.  With wine.
  • 1% milk w/ Hershey’s Special Dark syrup.

* The Greek Yogurt, Pom, Red Wine Vinegar Dressing is good–but it was better Saturday when I put Honey in it as well. I left it out yesterday b/c it seemed an odd combo. Perhaps a Raspberry Honey would perfect this recipe.  (I’ll post once I know for certain.)


  • … scrimmage.

I ate poorly. I ate okay well yesterday, but I drank a shit ton.  Almost 1,000 calories in booze.  I’d be so much slimmer if I were like Mormon or something.  Also, because Blew’s brews (teehee) were good beer instead of shit, at 6.5% alcohol… yeah.  I felt it.  And then it was dusk when I was driving my one-eyed Subaru home.  Lesson clearly not learned.  I put my brights on.  I apologize to the poor soul in front of me.  It had to be done.  Even if it wasn’t really dark out yet.

I was totally in a negative funk (with girl plumbing issues to boot) when I got to scrimmage yesterday.  Rebel saved me on the plumbing problems.  Whew.  I almost shouted “does anyone have a tampon?!” to a warehouse full of boys.  (Sheriff and Cuddlefish and Tanaia were the only three there when I walked through the door prepared to yell.  I stopped myself in time.) Rebel is the shit, btw.  Anyway, I shook the funk, had a great scrimmage, a great beer and chat w/ Cruelie, fun NSOing the Punks (the littles are so freaking cute) and a great sober up water with Rowdy.


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Friday: 2414 Calories


  • Cheerios w/ 1% milk, coffee, creamer
  • Apple, Yogurt w/ fruit and granola, almonds
  • Chicken breast and swiss on wheat bread w/ Diet Dr Pepper, banana, and three brownies…
  • Triscuits w/ avocado and salmon, carrot, vodka.  Lots of vodka.


  • Long walk w/ Reilly

Saturday: 5000+ calories

  • Quinoa bowl w/ maple syrup, walnuts, apple slices.  Three eggs w/ salmon and avocado.
  • Peanut Butter and Banana w/ honey on wheat.  Milk.
  • Pizza.  (4 slices.) Garlic knot.  Beer.  Vodka.  Lots and lots and lots of vodka.  With olives.  It was mayhem.


  • Body Pump
  • 2 40 minute bouts

My legs hurt.  That is all.

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If you really want more, scream it out louder

“If you really want more, scream it out louder”

This is my Derby Jam.  I had Batty and Scream play it when I did my 20 laps, I play it before every bout, and it usually comes on my iPod when I’m merging from I-225 to I-70 on the way to practice.  I really started listening to it when I made Contenders.  I was worried I’d screw up that opportunity, so I just kept telling myself to work at it.  If you really want more, scream it out louder.  Get on the floor, bring out the fire.  Light it up, take it up higher.

I also like the second part of the first verse–“Know you’ve been patiently waiting, I know you need me, I can feel it, I’m a beast, I’m an animal, I’m that monster in the mirror, the headliner, finisher, closer, winner, best when under pressure with seconds left I show up.”  If you just read the lyrics and look at what a cock Usher is, he’s talking about how he’s so awesome at dancing.  But for me, it means this opportunity was meant for me.  And here I am, and I’m not gonna let anyone down.  And the last part there, I always look at Fight Club winning WFTDA Nationals in 2010.  One point.  Frida Beater.  Sure, that was everyone’s victory.  But, Frida totally could have fucked that up.  She didn’t.  She secured a win.  I always wonder what would happen to me in a similar situation.  I think I would crack under pressure.  So singing these lyrics at myself, constantly telling myself I’m the finisher, is my way of preparing myself for the event my team needs a tight victory and I’m on the line.  (It almost happened at the Fillmore DRD bout, but Alpha pulled me and put other skaters in instead. It did happen at Sac City, but I was blocking, not jamming, so not the same.)

“More” by Usher

“Watch me as I dance under the spotlight-
listen to the people screaming out more, and more
Cos I create the feeling that keep em coming back,
Yeah, I create the feeling that keep em coming back,
So captivating when I get it on the floor.

Know y’all been patiently waiting, I know you need me, I can feel it,
I’m a beast, I’m an animal, I’m that Monster in the mirror,
The headliner, finisher, I’m the closer, winner.
Best when under pressure with seconds left I show up.

If you really want more, scream it out louder,
if you on the floor, bring out the fire,
And light it up, take it up higher,
Gonna push it to the limit, give it more.

Get up both your hands, I’m in the zone, s’aite
put em in the air, if you more (and) more,
Cos I can’t wait to feel it.
I go hard, can’t stop,
But if I stop just know that Imma bring it back,
Never quittin’ don’t believe in that.

Know y’all been patiently waiting, I know you need me, I can feel it,
I’m a beast, I’m an animal, I’m that monster in the mirror,
The headliner, finisher, I’m the closer, winner.
Best when under pressure with seconds left I show up.

If you really want more, scream it out louder,
if you on the floor, bring out the fire,
And light it up, take it up higher,
Gotta push it to the limit, give it more.

Gotta push it to the limit, give it more..

If you really want more, scream it out louder,
if you on the floor, bring out the fire,
And light it up, take it up higher,
Gotta push it to the limit, give it more.

Gotta push it to the limit, give it more..

Gotta push it to the limit, give it more.”

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Shoulda Gonta Spin Class

Food: 2009/1908

  • 3 eggs w/ mushrooms, sourdough toast w/ Apple Butter, coffee & sugarfree vanilla creamer
  • Banana, cottage cheese, Protein Chewy Bar
  • Beer.
  • Grilled Chicken Breast w/ Quinoa and Garbanzo beans and salad w/ Ken’s Bleu Cheese dressing
  • Wine.


  • “Scrimmage”
  • Reilly walk, short-ish

Tim’s watching football so I decided to write about today now rather than wait.  😉  So, small practice so we worked on drills.  Pretty chill.  My skating endurance has slipped due to my low attendance the past few weeks.  I’ll have to step that shit up this week.  Really wishing I’d gone to Spin yesterday morning rather than sleep in.  Ugh.  I do think we made the best of our practice time this morning, and had a really good group.  I did some pushups and situps and planks.  I was impressed with my pushups.  Usually I can only manage fiveish on my toes.  I did ten.  A few times.  So that was cool.  Took Reilly on a short walk.

Food’s been good.  Big breakfast, no lunch, minimal snacking, healthy dinner.  It says I’m 100ish calories over and to “exercise more to eat more.”  That’s outta the fucking question.  Well.  At least in terms of fitbit.  For fitbit only “steps” = “exercise.”  But maybe I’ll do some more planks or something so I feel less bad about the wine I’m drinking…  and the Mango Sherbet I’m fantasying about…

Oh–and my “food fuckup” of the day is…  Ken’s Bleu Cheese Dressing.  220 calories per serving.  Are you out of your fucking mind?  Really?  220 calories?  How the fuck can you pack that many calories in there?  Oh, right, it’s pure oil or some shit.  Blech.

OMG, how is there still football on???

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Blah, blah, blah, ‘n stuff.

I just feel like blah blah blah-ing.

First–girl stuff.  So my period sorta restarted about 12 hours after it stopped.  Can’t say whether that’s normal or not, since I usually rock the tampax and have been sporting a leftover kotex (read: pad) this go.  It’s usually very light like that.  Weighed in at 150.2 and 18.9% body fat this morning.  Holy shit.  I can’t believe it.  We’ll see if it stays there… this is likely the post period de-bloat, so it will.  We’ll see.  I haven’t been exercising/eating as well the past few days

Second–my hips.  They’re bad.  They pippity pop in and out of place.  Which is bad.  My right hip especially.  And my right knee is bothering me, too.  And my right groin.  The same muscle is what’s tight at my knee… (what’s a knee-groin called?)  I’m wondering if the knee/groin stuff is related to the hip displacement.  😦  I need to see Dr. Borman, just when, you know?  Busy busy busy.  Ugh.

Third–holy eff have I been a bitch today.  I bitched up a storm on every thread and it’s mom on the forum today.  More than one person thinks my comments are directed at them.  I think I’ve got that all under control, but I sort of feel bad. Then again, I didn’t say anything in haste and I didn’t say anything that I don’t sincerely mean.  So.  I just don’t know.  Sometimes you have to point out the obvious, right?  Sometimes you have to be the devil’s advocate, the bad guy.      I just did it a lot today.  😦

What else?  Oh.  Scrimmage today.  Oi.  Six of us.  😦  We did drills and stuff and made the best of it.  But I’m worried what the next few weeks hold in store for us.  It feels like we’re falling apart and all we do is bitch about it while nothing gets better.  Sometimes, I worry that I’m the problem. I hope somebody would point that out if it were the case.

… I think that’s all for now.  Oh–wait.  Psycho.  I managed to piss off Psycho Babble today as well.  Oi.

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