Posts tagged scrimmage

But why is the rum gone?!

Food: 2647/2022

  • Honey Nut Cheerios w/ banana and Almond Milk.  Coffee & Sugar Free Carmel Macchiato Creamer
  • Apple, Yoplait Greek w/ Fruit and Granola
  • Greek Yogurt Tuna on wheat w/ spinach. Red bell pepper slices.
  • Cheesy Penne with Broccoli and Chicken, salad w/ light balsamic vinegar, triscuits
  • Almond Snickers… a bite of Misto’s delicious Peanut Butter Chocolate protein bar (that was more deliciously satisfying than the Almond Snickers…)
  • PB & Hershey’s Special dark on wheat…
  • wine!


  • 50 toe push ups
  • 50+ sit ups (25 leg lifts, 25 cobras, some at practice)
  • 2hr Thursday Misto Practice
  • 1hr Sugar “scrimmage.”

I know it was a good practice when I get home and fitbit tells me I have 15,000+ steps.  Scrimmage days I get like no steps, so it wasn’t the hour-ish scrimmage-ish.  Double practice school nights I’m usually around 11,000.  The only times I hit 15,000 are when I have spin class and walk Reilly.

I really need to get on track with my eating.  I jammed on a Snicker’s yesterday.  And fro-yo with lunch.  Bad Mean@$$.  My skinny jeans don’t feel so hot this morning.  😦  I’ve got tummy overhang.  And I could easily have cut out the 600+ calories I’m over from yesterday (the frozen yogurt, the snickers, and the PB& Hershey’s on wheat…)

I’m hitting Costco this weekend.  Misto said she got the choco-peanut butter protein bar there, so I’ll grab some, as well as some other healthy snacks.  I just need to focus.  Balance is also a goal and unfortunately gets in the way sometimes.  So, balance with a focus on diet.


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Breaking Point


  • 2 egg muffins, coffee with sugar free caramel macchiato creamer, banana? 
  • 6 Clif Shot Bloks (2 servings)
  • beer
  • Cheesy Penne with Broccoli, white wine
  • NACHOS!!!  Red Wine.
  • Red Wine.
  • the rest of the heart chocolates
  • some dove dark chocolates
  • Probably more red wine.


  • 50 toe push ups
  • 50 sit ups
  • scrimmage
  • Reilly walk

So I hit my breaking point yesterday.  Which is probably a good thing, because maybe now I can finally move forward.  I’m proud of how I played yesterday.  I made lots of stupid mistakes, for which I have lots of stupid justifications.  But I played my hardest, and I only gave up when I had to (and there were a couple of times my legs were so fatigued I had to give up.)  I literally left it all on the track.  More than once.  

Yes, I had three(ish) very stupid cuts.  I’m sitting here visualizing them.  Why?  I need to focus on what I did well.  Those three cuts were the result of my body not reacting as quickly as my mind.  My legs were lead.  

Ever lit a real fire?  Like when you camp?  At the end of the night, the wood has burned and you’re left with wood coals?  The dying embers of the fire?  You blow on them and they ignite, only to burn out more thoroughly?  

That was my legs yesterday.  But I kept blowing on them and telling them to light it up again, and they did.  There were two times my legs were lead and I gave up.  My first jam and my last jam.  Even though it was physical… it was mental.

My first jam was two jams, since I went to the box.  And both jams were identical: I fought and fought and fought at the front and was stuck, stuck, stuck, until I broke through after the Fight Club jammer (first Cass, then Alpha.)  Both jammers played “eat the baby” on me.  I cut Cass.  I don’t remember what happened with Alpha.  I remember getting hit out and ending up at the back of the pack behind Queen.  I tried getting by her once or twice and couldn’t, so I gave up and rolled there for maybe 3 seconds before the jam clock expired.  Then I cried a lot.  

It was just like… I’m almost there, almost there, almost there, then I got out and was pulled back in.  Fuck.  It’s how I feel about the whole situation.  It was a physical manifestation of my mental state.  Except that I gave up at the end.  And sometimes I wonder why I don’t give up for real.  Mostly I have.  If I’m not going to get there, what am I fighting for?  And I don’t think I’m going to get there, so…  I’m lost.  Jamming the first and second jam against Fight Club–ten fresh Fight Club skaters, all after me. (And they were, since both jammers pulled an “eat the baby.”) WTF did I think would happen?  I did great.  I fought and fought and fought and made those girls work to hold me.  Ok, I never got out.  But I literally left it all on the track.  Physically, emotionally, I left it all there.  And then I went back and did it again.  And that time, I did get out, and there was no baby eating (though they tried.)  

The last jam…  I cut Cherry.  Stupid.  I was on a power jam and doing great, loving life, when I felt my legs go “FUCK YOU, MENACE!” and I went “shit.”  Mentally, I gave up.  Cherry hit me out and I cut her.  Even if the Apex is a bitch for cutting, I should know better.  I do.  I was jumping back in bounds as she was rolling back, and my legs were tired and my attempt to stay out of bounds when I saw her rolling back was ineffective.  So I went to the penalty box and proceeded to have an asthma attack.  So I took my helmet off.  For which I was scolded.  I know I’m not supposed to do that.  I’d already caused one scene Sunday, I didn’t need to cause another.  Options were: puke, pass out, or take my helmet off so I could breathe. I chose oxygen and I chose correctly.  And I put my helmet back on as soon as I could breathe.   Safety, first, right?  Even when you’re the jammer and safety means a two minute jammer penalty.  

So, yes, a dramatic Sunday.  

Saturday, I’m going to do it again.  In a public, hour long Fight Club vs. The World scrimmage, I will jam for the world.  And I won’t get out, and I won’t score, and it will be okay because I will leave it all on the track.  Except next time, I’ll leave it all on the track in a “fuck yeah, bitches!” way instead of a sobbing in the corner way.  


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Food: (Haven’t been using Fitbit to track food lately…)

  • Honey Nut Cheerios, 1% milk, banana, coffee, sugarfree hazelnut creamer
  • Apple, Greek Yogurt w/ fruit and granola
  • 1% cottage cheese, ham and provolone on wheat (w/o condiments, b/c condiments are evil.)
  • Chocolate Coconut cake (which I also forgot to list yesterday–my “Colin Mom” goody of the week.)
  • Naked Green Machine w/ Greek Yogurt, Honey, and Whey Protein.
  • PIZZA.  and WINE.


  • Short Reilly Walk
  • 73 Toe Pushups (23 uh…  hand release? push-ups @ practice)
  • 73 Situps (25 crunches, 25 cobras, 23 full-out sit-ups)
  • 2 hr league practice
  • 30 minute scrimmage w/ FC vs. Hoods
  • 30 minute FC drill (holy exhaustion, btw.)

I’m not being a very consistent non-TBTer so far this round.  Basketball is keeping me from exercising as much as I like, I’m eating bleh, I’m not using Fitbit to it’s potential in terms of tracking my caloric intake, I’m not even blogging consistently, etc.  I have done my pushups and situps almost every day, though, and I think I’m seeing results. (At the very least I can do 25-30 pushups w/o needing to rest.)  Time will tell.

Yesterday my “monthly gift” arrived.  Thank mother nature.  Holy shitballs.  I’m definitely more… ah… chill… than even yesterday morning.  Still a bit crazy, but hey.

Practice.  We did stuff I’m good at, so that was cool…  and then despite not originally being invited to participate in the FC/Hood scrimmage during TT practice time, the Conts had a last minute invite so most of us skated.  That was cool.  And fun.  And surreal.  And then we did a four-wall w/ a jammer trying to break through drill…  when it was my turn to jam I could hear myself wheezing.  I may actually be related to Darth Vader.  That’s what I sounded like.  It’s exhausting doing that any time, but against four FCers…  Um.  Yeah. But I didn’t give up.  For two whole minutes.  And I think I got by once… and around/through most of them a couple times…  so that was cool.  I guess.

I think it’s pretty clear Evals have been really tough for me.  I really hate being on the committee.  It’s like…  it was hard not making Contenders, and then when I made it, I felt soo much pressure, and realized it’s even harder actually making it.  And then Evals are hard not knowing, right?  Yeah.  1,000x worse knowing.  OMG.

Anyway.  I had two emails this week out of the blue from super awesome skaters telling me to keep my chin up, that I’m doing great.  And of course you guys have been saying that same thing for weeks…  it’s just cool.  My favorite part of derby is how we all take care of each other. It’s evals and we all want the same thing but we support each other in our own goals rather than being negative-ly competitive.  You know?  It’s not just what people are saying to me, but what I’m seeing on the track and in people’s actions and demeanor.  I can look at two girls who I know are fighting for the same spot, who I know realize they are fighting for the same spot, and I can see them cheering each other on, and doing everything they can to help the other girl succeed.

Basically: derby girls are fucking awesome.  (

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Pumpkin Eater

Food: 2716

  • Quinoa Bowl in 1% milk with 1/2 banana, walnuts, maple syrup.  White toast w/ honey almond butter.  Coffee.  Sugar free Pumpkin Creamer.  
  • 2 Silvermine Sub Catering Sammies via Blew.  Two Beers.
  • A home brew beer.
  • Leafy greens, sugar snap peas, cherry tomatoes salad w/ nonfat greek yogurt, pom, and red wine vinegar dressing* with Lemon Herb Wild Rice and a Grilled Chicken Breast.  With wine.
  • 1% milk w/ Hershey’s Special Dark syrup.

* The Greek Yogurt, Pom, Red Wine Vinegar Dressing is good–but it was better Saturday when I put Honey in it as well. I left it out yesterday b/c it seemed an odd combo. Perhaps a Raspberry Honey would perfect this recipe.  (I’ll post once I know for certain.)


  • … scrimmage.

I ate poorly. I ate okay well yesterday, but I drank a shit ton.  Almost 1,000 calories in booze.  I’d be so much slimmer if I were like Mormon or something.  Also, because Blew’s brews (teehee) were good beer instead of shit, at 6.5% alcohol… yeah.  I felt it.  And then it was dusk when I was driving my one-eyed Subaru home.  Lesson clearly not learned.  I put my brights on.  I apologize to the poor soul in front of me.  It had to be done.  Even if it wasn’t really dark out yet.

I was totally in a negative funk (with girl plumbing issues to boot) when I got to scrimmage yesterday.  Rebel saved me on the plumbing problems.  Whew.  I almost shouted “does anyone have a tampon?!” to a warehouse full of boys.  (Sheriff and Cuddlefish and Tanaia were the only three there when I walked through the door prepared to yell.  I stopped myself in time.) Rebel is the shit, btw.  Anyway, I shook the funk, had a great scrimmage, a great beer and chat w/ Cruelie, fun NSOing the Punks (the littles are so freaking cute) and a great sober up water with Rowdy.


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Food: 2581

  • 2 eggs w/ buttered stuffing bread toast
  • Cliff Shot Bloks
  • Swiss cheese, reduced fat cream cheese, and chicken breast on wheat bread with cottage cheese and a beer
  • Smoked salmon on reduced fat cream cheese triscuits
  • Pizza Rolls…  Chicken Nuggets…  bottle of red wine…


  • 2 hr scrimmage
  • long Reilly walk
  • Yoga stretching

OMG my body aches.  My back and my legs.  😦  I took an epsom salt bath, did some yoga-ish stretching, and sat w/ a heating pad on my back.  It felt fan-fucking-tastic.  Probably should have foregone some of the liquid calories, but I didn’t beat myself up about it too bad at the time.  Probably should have.  The bottle of wine was gone before I really realized there was a dent in it.  Ooops.

My weekends have been a little calorically crazy lately, and the result was that this morning the scale said 152.3.  This is really messing with my vacation plans.  There’s a nice gym there, but going to it would seriously cut into my already limited beach time.  *Sigh.*  In other news, despite how much I ache, I will force myself to go to practice tonight, since I will be missing over a week.  And probably something tomorrow, too.

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Shoulda Gonta Spin Class

Food: 2009/1908

  • 3 eggs w/ mushrooms, sourdough toast w/ Apple Butter, coffee & sugarfree vanilla creamer
  • Banana, cottage cheese, Protein Chewy Bar
  • Beer.
  • Grilled Chicken Breast w/ Quinoa and Garbanzo beans and salad w/ Ken’s Bleu Cheese dressing
  • Wine.


  • “Scrimmage”
  • Reilly walk, short-ish

Tim’s watching football so I decided to write about today now rather than wait.  😉  So, small practice so we worked on drills.  Pretty chill.  My skating endurance has slipped due to my low attendance the past few weeks.  I’ll have to step that shit up this week.  Really wishing I’d gone to Spin yesterday morning rather than sleep in.  Ugh.  I do think we made the best of our practice time this morning, and had a really good group.  I did some pushups and situps and planks.  I was impressed with my pushups.  Usually I can only manage fiveish on my toes.  I did ten.  A few times.  So that was cool.  Took Reilly on a short walk.

Food’s been good.  Big breakfast, no lunch, minimal snacking, healthy dinner.  It says I’m 100ish calories over and to “exercise more to eat more.”  That’s outta the fucking question.  Well.  At least in terms of fitbit.  For fitbit only “steps” = “exercise.”  But maybe I’ll do some more planks or something so I feel less bad about the wine I’m drinking…  and the Mango Sherbet I’m fantasying about…

Oh–and my “food fuckup” of the day is…  Ken’s Bleu Cheese Dressing.  220 calories per serving.  Are you out of your fucking mind?  Really?  220 calories?  How the fuck can you pack that many calories in there?  Oh, right, it’s pure oil or some shit.  Blech.

OMG, how is there still football on???

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