Posts tagged chocolate

I will triump, Dove Chocolates!

I will triump, Dove Chocolates!

My wonderful assistant Karen has restocked our chocolate stash. Dark for me, Milk for her.

What she and the chocolates don’t realize, though, is that I’ve armed myself against their charms. Bwahaahhaha.

Today, I brought my standard apple & greek yogurt w/ fruit and granola, but added clementines and energy bites to my lunch (which will be a wrap. I’m experimenting with wraps, now.)

The chocolates think they can tempt me, but they can’t! The will not! I will be victorious! I have peanut-buttery chocolate deliciousness in the form of Energy Bites in the fridge waiting for me for lunch.  Or when I reach for a chocolate.  Either way.  They’re there ready to be eaten.  Muhahahaha.

And when the energy bites are gone, Sprouts Yogurt Pretzels (Raspberry & Lemon) to the rescue!

pretzels

And when that’s gone, I will make Guilt Free Ice Cream from bananas!  Maybe throw in some chocolate chips or coconut or pineapple or something delicious.  Bwaaaaahahahahahaaha.

banana-peanut-butter-ice-cream5

 

 

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If my journey were “Lord of the Rings,” this is the part where they are walking, walking, walking… walking, walking, walking…

Food:

  • Honey Nut Cheerios w/ 1% milk, banana, coffee, caramel macchiato sugar free creamer
  • Greek Yogurt w/ fruit and granola, apple
  • …  four mini old fashioned glazed donuts.
  • turkey and tons of swiss on wheat with Crystal Light and Cottage Cheese.
  • … the rest of the work dove dark chocolates
  • mini twix & dark milky way
  • salmon and reduced fat cream cheese with cucumbers on wheat thins
  • … the rest of the dark chocolate reese’s
  • Cliff Shot Bloks
  • Luna Bar
  • Veggies and Hummus.
  • … the rest of the cherry cordial ice cream…

Exercise:

  • 50 toe pushups
  • 50 sit ups
  • 3hr practice

So.  On the bright side: I finished most of the bad food that I’ve been stuffing my face with. Unfortunately, there’s still some Dove Dark Chocolates at home.  And people have been giving me Valentine’s candy.  Eventually, though, if I stop buying it… I’ll stop eating it.  Maybe.

I was going to get up early and go to Spin yesterday morning since I haven’t been in two weeks?  Yeah.  Didn’t happen.  Partly cuz I didn’t wanna, and mostly cuz the guy who was gonna cover the library never got back to me…  Maybe when I start going again, I’ll stop stuffing my face with everything and start feeling better.

——————————————————————————————————————-

The rest of this is me whining.

I sat in the Port-a-Potty and cried yesterday.  Couldn’t suck ’em back any longer.  That was a first.  And hopefully a last.  Crying in the bathroom?  Ok.  Crying in a PVC outhouse filled with excrement?  Yeah.  That’s a new low.

So I’m kind of back to what Bob asked me a long time ago.  What do I love about derby?  What has me driving 45 minutes each direction during rush hour and blizzards and traffic when there are other things to be doing three times a week?

It’s hard.  But I always manage to succeed.  I work hard and I do well and I’m a fucking badass on that track.  And Roller Derby is a badass sport.  And I have badass friends who I’m constantly so impressed by and proud of.

Except… this time it was hard.  And I failed.  This is so hard to admit, but maybe it will help me let go.  In August/September…  my name came up.  For Fight Club.  As a fleeting “now that we have 18, we could…”  And obviously nothing came out of that.  But I heard about it.  And laughed.  Then heard about it again, and it was pointed out to me that with two skaters leaving and one out for six months…  oh.  So I got my shit together.  The one goal of that entire 3.5 month TBT: if I’m going to be on Fight Club, I have to do RMRG proud.  Because that is what RMRG deserves.  If it’s going to be me, I’m going to be the best me I can be.  And I was.  I rose to that challenge.

It just turns out the best me wasn’t good enough.  And RMRG didn’t want me anyway.  At first, I thought we were wrong to put 20 skaters above me.  But now.  I wonder how I even managed to be considered in the first place.

So… even if I failed…  I still got a lot out of that first TBT.  I look better.  I feel better.  I am skating better.  Right now I’m failing at this second TBT.  Tomorrow we’ll be halfway through.  I need to suck it up and own this second half.  Even if I’m not one of RMRGs best 20 skaters…  I need to be the best skater I can be to set an example for the newbies.  To represent RMRG well when the Contenders go forth into the world.  Etc.  So I should sack up.

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The Vascillation Cont-inues…

Food:

  • Honey Nut Cheerios w/ Almond Milk, banana, coffee w/ SugarFree Caramel Macchiato creamer
  • Apple, Greek yogurt w/ fruit and granola
  • Subway turkey w/ avocado, all the veggies, no cheese, honey mustard, MOR carbonated water, Parmesan Sun Chips
  • Dove Dark Chocolates.  Hershey’s Special Dark.
  • Pork Chop w/ BBQ sauce, garlic triscuits, Crystal Light
  • 2 Diet Cokes
  • Bag of M&Ms
  • Oreos and Milk.  Real 1% milk.
  • Wine.

Exercise:

  • 50 toe pushups
  • 25 cobras, 25 v-ups
  • Lunch Walk, Stair Climb, etc.

I had a great day yesterday.  I worked 14hrs.  (6:45am-8:45pm. Basketball Clock.)  I really enjoyed everyone’s old school derby photos and the stories that went with them.  Plus it was cool how everyone positively responded to my idea.  By the end of the day, when Gaygan told the derby world to join us, I was beaming and felt like a total badass.  I went home and told Tim all about it.  And Tim was proud of me, too, and posted a picture from my actual first bout.  On my drive home, I felt certain the influx of chocolate would surely end, now that I recognize my own badassery.  Alas.  It was not to be.  😉

Because I had a busy day, I took a walk during my lunch break.  I felt naughty and kept looking over my shoulder.  (At one point the school’s security golf cart did take off from the school in my direction…)  Other than that… it was great!  I walked about…  2-3 miles?  I wanted to get my 10,000 steps in yesterday, even though I’d be working all day.  Then during basketball, I walked up and down the main hallway stairs between games and at halftimes.  I not only achieved 10,000+ steps, I also climbed 40 floors (a personal best, I think, and I didn’t even have to climb up to Dr. Borman’s office!)

Oh–Almond Milk for breakfast.  Apparently dairy is bad for me.  I have a consultation w/ Cruelie coming up, and I think she will say it is bad…  Sunny seems in agreement.  So I bought Almond Milk to try it out.  It was fine on my cereal until I got to the bottom and tried to drink it.  Okay, I succeeded in drinking it but it was all thick and creamy like whole milk and ew.  EWWWWW.

Anyway, so I went to bed feeling a total badass and then I woke up all bleeeehhhhhgh again.  *Sigh.*  This is getting so old.  It’s draining.  Regulate, damn it.  Maybe if I stop eating chocolate all day long.  I emailed Sweets asking her to help me prioritize my derby goals.  I start one and never master it then work on something new, etc.  Plus Blew & I need a Cont training plan, so I’d like some help with that.  Maybe prioritizing will help and I won’t feel so “what’s the point.”

I would argue the only person I see working harder than me is Sweets herself.  That doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t doing it, just that’s what I see at practice.  She’s also there early, but she does more than roll around aimlessly.  She also focuses on drills, etc.  So it’s hard feeling like I work harder than a bunch of people that just moved above me.  And I got this “Most Improved” award, right?  And everyone thinks that means I’m doing well.  Well.  Based on the current layout of things, I think it means I must have really really sucked a year ago and I’m “meh” now.

Everyone else thinks I’m a badass.  Why can’t I?  Or, I do… for a bit…  then I just don’t see it anymore.  Why is it so fleeting?

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Dark Chocolate and Chipotle = Good… right?

Food

  • Honey nut cheerios, 1% milk, coffee w/ sugar free hazelnut creamer
  • greek yogurt w/ fruit and granola and an apple.
  • so many dove dark chocolates. soo soo many.
  • PBJ w/ 1% milk.  Baby Carrots.
  • more dove chocolates
  • some triscuits and cheese.
  • Chipotle.  Chicken Burrito Bowl.  Brown Rice.  Sauteed Peppers & Onions.  Pico, Corn, and Green Salsas.  Lettuce.  Iced Tea w/ Lemon (could have been worse, right?)
  • … dove chocolates.
  • Giant bowl of ice cream.
  • more ice cream

Exercise:

  • Reilly walk.  Short.

Yep.  Ate bad and didn’t exercise.  It’s been a week.  Guess what I’m doing today?  Eating bad and not exercising.  There’s this party tonight.  *Sigh.*  I should go.  It’ll be fun.  And good company.  And food.  While Tim is home by himself for literally the fifth night this week.

I’ll get back on the wagon Monday. Really back on the wagon.  I need these jeans to keep fitting.

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Binge Eating

Food: 3743/1308

  • Turkey Sausage Muffin w/ 1% milk, apple coffee, and hazelnut sugar free creamer
  • apple, greek yogurt w/ fruit and granola, sugar snap peas
  • Ham and Provolone on wheat w/ VitaRain Zero
  • Trail Mix Bar, Coke Zero, Butterfinger, 2 energy bites
  • Chicken Nuggets w/ Honey (and Cock Radish Sauce)
  • Bottle and a half of wine
  • Pepperjack cheese slices, peanut butter with butterscotch chips…  and chocolate sauce

Exercise:

  • Long Reilly walk
  • 50 push ups (45 on my toes and 5 on my knees… 😦 )
  • 50 situps (25 touch, 25 cobra)

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Annoyed

Food: 2592/1958

I’m super annoyed.  I left my laptop at school last night to be re-imaged.  (They wipe the harddrive and load all the new shit on it) so I couldn’t sync my Fitbit.  I walked 18,000+ steps, plus went to Spin Class.  So I ate.  I ate well.  I ate what I usually eat when I do well.  And here I am wayyyyy over on calories.  Sure.  I’m on the 750/day deficit.  But still.  I’m 600 calories over.  wtf.  Eff You, Fitbit.  Eff you.

  • Healthy bowl of honey nut cheerios and 1% milk w/ coffee and sugar free pumpkin spice creamer.  
  • Healthy apple with greek yogurt, fruit, and granola.  Healthy Protein Chewy Bar.
  • …4 Dove Dark Chocolates.
  • Healthy Ham and reduced fat swiss cheese on wheat sammie.  VitaRain Sport, Banana.  (Healthy.) I totally skipped mayo and mustard and anything else loaded with caloric delciousness.  Bread.  Meat.  Cheese.  
  • Healthy Naked Blue Machine w/ 1/3 cup of healthy nonfat greek yogurt mixed in.
  • Healthy wild rice with grilled chicken, white toast w/ apple butter, Healthy glass of 1% milk.
  • Not even a half glass of wine. Tim poured me a nice sized glass but I was falling asleep from all my exercise so I gave it to him and went to sleep.  

Okay, so the chocolate and wine were not that great for me (and totally not nearly as awesome individually instead of together) but the only food indiscretions I had yesterday–plus they equal less than 300 calories.  *Sigh.*  But I guess they do account for over 250 of those extra calories.  Fuuuck.  This shit’s hard.

Top that off with: I did fine at Spin.  Except I’ve been going over 120 rpms these past few weeks and Leslie instructed a new girl last night not to.  I know I shouldn’t, but Kill Bill wants everyone over 120 practically the duration of his class, so I’m conditioned to do it.  Anyway, this means more tension on the wheel in future classes.  More tension = harder = hurts more.  My legs *always* hurt.  And it’s starting to annoy me.  I hate constantly being tight, stiff, sore, or in pain.  UGHHHH.

Exercise:

  • Looooong Reilly walk
  • Spin Class

Today I am clearly a CRANK@$$ instead of a MEAN@$$.  Blergh.  

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Buckling Down. Again. For realz this time. No–really.

Food: 2271/ 1772  😦 

  • Turkey Sausage Sammie w/ 1% milk, coffee, sugarfree vanilla creamer
  • Apple, Yoplait Greek w/ Fruit and Granola
  • …  Two Dove Dark Chocolates.
  • …  Two mini KitKat bars…
  • Two more Dove Dark Chocolates.
  • Ham and light swiss on wheat.  Naked Green Machine (10 oz).  1% Cottage Cheese.
  • … four more Dove Dark Chocolates (Karen put them in my hand–not my fault!  Ok she put three in my hand.  They were gone before I tasted them, so I needed one more…)
  • Giant Leafy Greens salad w/ cherry tomatoes, sugar snap peas, imitation crab meat and light italian dressing with 1% milk

Exercise:

  • 1 mile walk w/ Reilly
  • Spin Class

Ugh.  I need to do some yoga.  After 9 days with virtually no exercise, my legs are tight and sore after spinning. I’m just so tired.  😦 I may yet rally.  We’ll see.  It would burn more calories which would increase my caloric intake which I (of course) exceeded.

Then again I’ve got about 500 calories worth of chocolate in there.  *Sigh*  I didn’t really try to resist them.  They are in the library now.  On my desk.  Staring at me.  Calling to me, saying “I am your favorite kind of chocolate.  Think how creamy and delicious I am.  You know you love me more than Hershey’s dark chocolate, because I am Dove Dark chocolate and I melt in your mouth.”  So then I put one in my mouth and suck to feel it melt away whist coating my tongue in its chocolate glory, dissolving to delicious nothingness.  But then I get greedy and want more chocolatey goodness so I bite into it–another wonderful sensation altogether–and chew and swallow it’s creamy glory.  Then I’m sad I didn’t let it dissolve so I try again.  Same failure.  I should give up.  (You really need to eat those things with a good Pinot Noir anyway, or it’s a complete waste.)

I commented on the hardship of chocolate accessibility on facebook today, and Dosa and Sunny are agreed to continue this TBT hell another two weeks, so I said fuck it and jumped on that bandwagon, too.  At least we’ll be miserable (and skinny bitches) together.  Rowdy I’ve noticed has responded with “likes” and amused comments, but no affirmation of another two weeks.  Piper and Newt are completely ignoring us crazies, though. (Can’t say I blame them.)  Anyway, December 15th.  We can make it.

I have to say, though, if I’m going through this misery another two weeks, Ima fucking do this shit right.  No more damn chocolate all day long.  No more cheat-kends or full cheat days.  I’m not gonna say no cheating, because that’s a recipe for disaster, but I don’t want to go all out ever.  That’s what got me off the bandwagon in the first place.  So cheat meals or cheat treats.  Maybe like one a day.  One glass of wine or one chocolate or if it’s a “cheat day,” one meal or one six pack.  No going nuts. Something like that.  We’ll see how it goes.

As I was warming up for Spin Class this evening, perusing the December Fitness Guide, looking at all the classes I might be able to attend during finals week (when we have half days at school) or during my two week break, I thought “maybe I should TBT another three weeks–til December 21!”  And about 25 minutes later when the sweat started pouring and my legs started shaking I realized that was the crazy talking.  The point is to change habits and move forward positively.  Exercising more.  Eating healthier and less.  Managing those extra “empty” calories.  I’m going longer because I don’t think I’m there yet.  I’m giving myself an extra two weeks to get there.  To remind myself what empty calories can do and that I am capable of avoiding them.

Before this TBT, I didn’t exercise outside of derby.  I won’t stop when TBT is over, and I shouldn’t.  Continuing to exercise after TBT ends doesn’t mean I should extend TBT–I shouldn’t.  I should move forward with these new habits I’ve taught myself.  After the 15th, though, I will be done with this “dieting” bullshit.  I fucking hate it.  Hate.  Loathe.  Ughhh.  But it’s good for me, and I need to learn to manage my caloric intake better.

I think that’s all for now.

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