Archive for Baaaaahahahhaha

I will triump, Dove Chocolates!

I will triump, Dove Chocolates!

My wonderful assistant Karen has restocked our chocolate stash. Dark for me, Milk for her.

What she and the chocolates don’t realize, though, is that I’ve armed myself against their charms. Bwahaahhaha.

Today, I brought my standard apple & greek yogurt w/ fruit and granola, but added clementines and energy bites to my lunch (which will be a wrap. I’m experimenting with wraps, now.)

The chocolates think they can tempt me, but they can’t! The will not! I will be victorious! I have peanut-buttery chocolate deliciousness in the form of Energy Bites in the fridge waiting for me for lunch.  Or when I reach for a chocolate.  Either way.  They’re there ready to be eaten.  Muhahahaha.

And when the energy bites are gone, Sprouts Yogurt Pretzels (Raspberry & Lemon) to the rescue!


And when that’s gone, I will make Guilt Free Ice Cream from bananas!  Maybe throw in some chocolate chips or coconut or pineapple or something delicious.  Bwaaaaahahahahahaaha.




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Cheat Day Humor

Dog Fat


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I’m gonna need a real cheat day soon. Like, a stuff my face and get wasted cheat day.

Food: 2054/1801

  • Jimmy Dean Honey Wheat Canadian Bacon Egg White sammie, coffee, creamer
  • apple, banana
  • Greek Yogurt Chicken Salad Sandwich on wheat, VitaRain Sport, Yoplait Greek w/ Fruit and Granola
  • Triscuits.  Salad w/ Greek Yogurt & Red Wine Vinegar dressing
  • Chicken Salad Sammie on Sourdough, Red Wine, 1% milk


  • Reilly Walk
  • Leslie Spin of Death

Damn it.  I’m really bummed.  I forgot to log that fruit/yogurt yesterday during the day, so I thought I was under on calories and I drank my wine like a victory toast.  Savored every last drop.  Turns out it put me over.  Grrr.  And those triscuits.  I got home from school and ate a salad–which I managed to use my own advice to dress (I blended Red Wine Vinegar w/ Greek Yogurt–not super creative, but I was huuungry.)  But then I wanted to jam on some Doritos.  Like.  Real bad.  And Tim has had the pantry stocked with Doritos for months and I have eaten none.  None, I say!!!  So I ate a few triscuits.  So not the same, but it sort of satisfied the urge.  Still–freaking 160 calories for 6 crac–aawwww CRAP.  Fitbit only logged one triscuit.  Who eats one triscuit?  Argh.  Now I’m even more over.  😥  Shouldn’t have had the wine or the milk.  Ugh.  Anyway.  Triscuits.  Not quite Doritos.  And six, not quite stuffing my face.  I realize I had an enjoyable cheese cheat date last week, but… Ima need a junk food one soon, too.  Blergh.

Spin Class.  I’ve become a Leslie stalker.  I’ve gone to her every class since the first one I attended a few weeks ago.  Yesterday, just like Die said they would  be, my right hamstring was pretty tight. Same one where the knee/groin/hip has been bothering me.  Spinning was a ‘lil tough yesterday.  And–it was all climbing/lots of weight on the wheel–no sprinting.  Basically the class of death.  Death, I say!!!  😉 It was awesome.  I did it all.  And I sweat like a pig the whole time.  And when it was over, I had that Jello-feeling Sunny mentioned for a brief moment (I think I only noticed b/c Sunny mentioned it the other day) and it was Bliss.  🙂  So glad I went.  Oh–also–super hottie totally sat right next to me.  And before class I happened to be texting Blew, so of course I text her about that (he was totally her type–big.  Ripped. “Corn-fed.”)  And then I had this shit-eating grin on my face and was giggling like a child and Leslie said “something you’re happy about, Linds?” Uhhh… nope.  :D:D 😀  Anyway, it was amusing.  Oh–and I totally bike kicked his ass.  Haha.  (As I dripped sweat all over my bike and myself.)  Being married definitely has its perks.  Handsome boy sits next to me when I’m all sweaty and smelly?  I don’t give a shit.  I’m not trying to impress anybody.  It’s great.

Lastly–my hips were a popping all night last night again.  😦  They did not on Monday, I thought b/c of Die’s class.  Now I’m wondering if it had to do w/ my pillow/sleeping situation.  I am allowed two pillows.  One for my head, and one to hug and smother and lay on top of. (But in the summer Tim tries to make me lose that one, too.)  I’d really like a third to nestle along my backside, but Tim says no.  😦  Well, Monday, I came home to a third pillow and just left it there…  So I was more on my back with the pillow under me, and my huggle snuggle pillow on top of me, with my head pillow under my head.  (If I were cool like Quentin, I’d draw a diagram, but this, alas, is not Chickpeas and Hulahoops.)

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How to Lose It (by Menace)

Disclaimer: I’m a ‘lil tipsy and I ❤ on everyone when in this state…

So.  Everyone keeps commenting on how “thin” and “fit” I look.  I shall commence tooting my own horn:

  • Rad Die: “Menace have you lost weight?”
  • Menace: “meh… a little”
  • Rad Die: “You’re looking really fit…”
  • Menace: “I lost an inch and a half on my waist, but that’s about it…”
  • Rad Die: “Are you sure?  Your arms look thinner too”
  • Menace: “Oh. Yeah. I lost a half inch on each…”
  • Rad Die: “And your back, your spine is really defined, etc”

I ❤ Rad Die.  She keeps to herself, and sometimes comes off as harsh, but I ❤ Rad Die.  She’ll call me on my shit, and tell me I’m doing good when I am.  Which makes her compliments all the more valuable.  And she will be there for me any time I need her.  Once, I hurt myself at USPS vs Conts scrimmage.  Know who picked me up?  Rad Die.

  • KB: “You’ve lost some weight, haven’t you?”
  • Me: “Yeah, a little”
  • KB: “You’re looking really fit, your waist is really thin”  Etc.

*KB is a work friend.

Nona also said something last night.  And someone else.  I don’t remember who (Tia?)  I get embarrassed.  I don’t think I’ve lost that much…  Fitbit says 11.8 since January.  I think I’m a ‘lil over 10lbs for the TBT duration.  So, I thought I should post some “Menace’s Weight Lost Tips”  here for review, and then if they’re as funny as I think they might be… er… useful as I think they might be, I’ll share them elsewhere.  Ahem.

  1. Stop eating Pizza Rolls 1-2x/ week.  (Verdict out on baked Chicken Nuggets, though they should likely also be avoided)
  2. No McDonalds (or other fast food)
  3. Suck it up and go to the fucking gym
  4. Fiber = poop.  You do the math.
  5. Coffee & Sugarfree creamer over Triple Shot Venti Pumpkin Spice Late w/ sprinkles and extra whip
  6. Anything goes into a smoothie.  It will still be delicious.  It’s the mystery casserole of fruit and veggies, and it’s delicious.
  7. QUINOA!
  8. Go to Roller Derby Practice Sunday 11am.  Chicken Wing Dip, beer, and other extra calories averted.
  9. Yoga helps keep things aligned (but so does Dr. Boreman.  Combo = bonus.)
  10. Walk the dog.  Literally.  10,000 steps a day, baby.

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That’s Ironical, that is.

I’m skipping a day-ish of food logging.  It’s a bit time consuming and I just don’t feel like it.  I will say: yesterday I ate well until dinner.  I didn’t drink too much because I was feeling sickly (just a couple glasses of wine,) but Tim made Steak and Parmesan Biscuits.  In which I indulged.  A lot.  They were delicious.  Oh–and I bought bad groceries at Sprouts.  I bought dark chocolate covered cherries and almonds.  And dark chocolate and raspberry yogurt pretzels.  Delish.  Today, same-ish.  I got a Fuze that was full (180) calories and wanted to kick myself.  I was looking at the vitamins, etc, hoping it would help me feel better and missed the calorie count.  😦  Fortunately, I feel great after scrimmage.  Weird.   Some Conts. & Hertz went to The Walnut Room for lunch.  I had a salad and none of Hertz & Lops’s delicious looking cheesy bread.  I even turned my nose up at $2 Mimosas.  And then Frak ordered a bloody mary.  I figured I could sample it.  It was fucking delicious.  Horseradishy and spicy and with olives as a garnish.  I fucking love green olives.  OMG.  That’s why I love dirty martinis.  Olives are the shizz.  So I waffled a while, we discussed the pros/cons of TBT as a group, and I decided that as my goals center on improving my derby… one Bloody Mary wouldn’t kill me, right?

WRONG.  Worst fucking heartburn ever.  I almost had to have Blew give me mouth to mouth or some shit.  It was awful.  Naturally, I pointed the irony out to everyone.  We chuckled, and I continued trying to drink it’s sweet tomato and horseradishy goodness.  To no avail.  I did eat the olives.  I think it amused Hertz.  She was trying to point out that my body was telling me no, when I ignored the burning nausea and tried sipping slowly…  then smaller sips… then a sip chased by water, etc, before giving in to the obvious and pouting for the rest of our lunch.

Now I am enjoying a beer, and I may have martinis later.  Who knows.  It’s gettin’ crazy up in here.  It’s fall break, bitches.  I am concerned how my traveling will affect TBT.  Fall Break and Sacramento this week, Grand Cayman with my parents over Thanksgiving.

Tomorrow we do a half-way weigh in or something, yes?

And Exercise:

Yesterday–despite the best intentions of going to BodyPump, per Rowdy’s suggestion, I went to Endurance Cycle instead.  I know I mentioned needing to strengthen my core and BodyPump is certainly a better option for that, but…  well.  Yesterday was my favorite instructor’s (Kim) Saturday.  Plus… I’m a lil nervous for BodyPump.  😦  What if everyone laughs at me?  I have this week off, I will go to BodyPump or Kim’s Bosu class Tuesday.  (Anyone know wtf Bosu is, btw?  She mentioned Core…. she also mentioned planks w/ a weight… ugh…)

Today–Cont practice (not quite an hour… hell, I don’t even know if we were athletic for a full half hour–that’s not to say we didn’t have a productive morning) then Conts vs. the world (we fucking tore it up, even though there were some FCers in the world) and then USPS vs Sugars, then vs. Hoods.  I think USPS had the highest home team attendance.  Mostly because we’re fucking awesome.  The poor Sugars only had 5.  😦  Anyway, we did well and had fun doing well.

That’s about it.  I’m gonna try to drink a SHIT TON so that I can get it out of my system and get my focus back on STAT.  I’m debating on practice + _____ at the rec tomorrow… but I doubt it.  I am a ‘lil snotty still and I don’t want to burn the candle at both ends and sick-ify myself before Sacramento, cuz that would blow balls.

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Canada Joke

In honor of my skates *hopefully* arriving soon from Canada, a joke.  *Ahem.*

When Canada was choosing its name, it wanted to be cool like the U.S.A. and have an acronym for its name.  Trouble is, they didn’t know which letters to use.  So, they put all the letters of the alphabet into a bag and proceeded to draw three out.  They were announced as:

“C, eh”

“N, eh”

“D, eh”

Thus, Canada.  Teehee.


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Guess who punched Frida Beater in the face and is still walking the Earth?

That’s right.  THIS GIRL.  I did apologize in passing…  She let me leave the War*house with all of my limbs attached… not sure if that means “we’re good” or “I’ll be waiting for you…”  Let’s just say I’ll be avoiding the greater Denver area for the next few… … days *sigh*.  (I did do all of my push-ups at practice, though…even though I’m slow… maybe she’ll spare me this once?)  What do you ladies think?

Also, I’m not drinking any wine right now.  Even though there is a tasty looking orange box of it sitting on my counter staring at me.  Additionally, I am not enjoying the delicious jalapeno-artichoke dip I styled yesterday, though in it’s one-day-old glory, it is likely marinated and ripe for the taste buds.  Nope, this Mean@$$ is just facebooking and wordpressing about how awesome having my ass kicked by FC was tonight, with my Cont. friends, etc.

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