Posts tagged twix

If my journey were “Lord of the Rings,” this is the part where they are walking, walking, walking… walking, walking, walking…

Food:

  • Honey Nut Cheerios w/ 1% milk, banana, coffee, caramel macchiato sugar free creamer
  • Greek Yogurt w/ fruit and granola, apple
  • …  four mini old fashioned glazed donuts.
  • turkey and tons of swiss on wheat with Crystal Light and Cottage Cheese.
  • … the rest of the work dove dark chocolates
  • mini twix & dark milky way
  • salmon and reduced fat cream cheese with cucumbers on wheat thins
  • … the rest of the dark chocolate reese’s
  • Cliff Shot Bloks
  • Luna Bar
  • Veggies and Hummus.
  • … the rest of the cherry cordial ice cream…

Exercise:

  • 50 toe pushups
  • 50 sit ups
  • 3hr practice

So.  On the bright side: I finished most of the bad food that I’ve been stuffing my face with. Unfortunately, there’s still some Dove Dark Chocolates at home.  And people have been giving me Valentine’s candy.  Eventually, though, if I stop buying it… I’ll stop eating it.  Maybe.

I was going to get up early and go to Spin yesterday morning since I haven’t been in two weeks?  Yeah.  Didn’t happen.  Partly cuz I didn’t wanna, and mostly cuz the guy who was gonna cover the library never got back to me…  Maybe when I start going again, I’ll stop stuffing my face with everything and start feeling better.

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The rest of this is me whining.

I sat in the Port-a-Potty and cried yesterday.  Couldn’t suck ’em back any longer.  That was a first.  And hopefully a last.  Crying in the bathroom?  Ok.  Crying in a PVC outhouse filled with excrement?  Yeah.  That’s a new low.

So I’m kind of back to what Bob asked me a long time ago.  What do I love about derby?  What has me driving 45 minutes each direction during rush hour and blizzards and traffic when there are other things to be doing three times a week?

It’s hard.  But I always manage to succeed.  I work hard and I do well and I’m a fucking badass on that track.  And Roller Derby is a badass sport.  And I have badass friends who I’m constantly so impressed by and proud of.

Except… this time it was hard.  And I failed.  This is so hard to admit, but maybe it will help me let go.  In August/September…  my name came up.  For Fight Club.  As a fleeting “now that we have 18, we could…”  And obviously nothing came out of that.  But I heard about it.  And laughed.  Then heard about it again, and it was pointed out to me that with two skaters leaving and one out for six months…  oh.  So I got my shit together.  The one goal of that entire 3.5 month TBT: if I’m going to be on Fight Club, I have to do RMRG proud.  Because that is what RMRG deserves.  If it’s going to be me, I’m going to be the best me I can be.  And I was.  I rose to that challenge.

It just turns out the best me wasn’t good enough.  And RMRG didn’t want me anyway.  At first, I thought we were wrong to put 20 skaters above me.  But now.  I wonder how I even managed to be considered in the first place.

So… even if I failed…  I still got a lot out of that first TBT.  I look better.  I feel better.  I am skating better.  Right now I’m failing at this second TBT.  Tomorrow we’ll be halfway through.  I need to suck it up and own this second half.  Even if I’m not one of RMRGs best 20 skaters…  I need to be the best skater I can be to set an example for the newbies.  To represent RMRG well when the Contenders go forth into the world.  Etc.  So I should sack up.

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