Posts tagged hell

Getting my Grove Back

Thursday:  So much bad food.  Sushi Valentine’s Dinner.  Walked Reilly.  Push-ups, Situps.

Friday Food:

  • Egg Muffin
  • 2 Santiagos Burritos, one Mild, one Chorizo.  Some fruit.  Simply Orange Juice.
  • Chocolates and Samoas.
  • A shit ton of delicious pasta salad.  Chicken Salad on bread.  Water.
  • Dove Dark Chocolates.
  • 3 Cliff Shot Bloks
  • Chocolate Strawberry, Homemade delicious cherry chip sugar cookie.
  • Homemade Chili w/ fritos, sour cream, cheese, and a glass of wine.  (Recipe coming later today.  This was hands down the best chili I’ve ever had, and I do good work regardless, so.  Yeah.)

Friday Exercise:

  • 50 toe pushups
  • 25 leg lifts, 25 exercise ball cobras (I consulted Thunda yesterday, my “V-ups” are called leg lifts…)
  • Reilly Walk
  • Dr. Borman visit (this isn’t exercise, but it seems relevant to this column and how my body feels today.)
  • 1hr. Spin Class
  • 1hr. Off Skates Training
  • 45mins? Speed Skating Hell

Uber Alice seems really sweet.  So sweet, in fact, that when she lies to your face you believe her.  Like when she says Speed Skating won’t be hard, then tries to kill you with laps and intervals and tough drills from hell.  After Thunda’s Off Skates training.  I literally did almost puke.  I sat out twice.  I felt like a total baby.  My entire back was on fire.  It was probably because when she showed up I yelled at her for wearing shorts in the snow/cold weather.

Thunda Off Skates was Thunda Off Skates.  But I was expecting it.  So it wasn’t as awful.  I said about 40 minutes in that I might have to sit out for Speed Skating, I hurt so bad.  But then Alice said it wouldn’t be hard.  Lies.  We lifted Thunda’s sandbell over our heads and threw it as hard as we could into the floor.  That was gratifying.  “FUCK YOU EVERYTHING DIE FLOOR DIE!”  And we jogged a lot (death.)  And we sprinted, like running sprinted.  I hate running.  We did this in partners (mine was SheWho.)  I went first and started as if I were sprinting on my skates.  I was halfway across the room before I realized I’d even started, and then I almost fell over cuz I was going so fast.  And then I was all “yeah.  I’m fucking badass.”  Apparently I like sprinting.  (I like to do it at Spin Class, too. Even though it’s hard/hurts, I like to do it…)

Spin Class–funny.  Friday mornings are Kim Spin.  But when school’s out, she often has Bill sub.  I can only go when school’s out, so I went yesterday (no kids yesterday, didn’t have to be there til 8, and could be dripping sweat–I was, too.)  Bill was in there when I arrived all “you’re a glutton for these early morning classes.” Um.  No.  I’m not.  I go once every 6-8 weeks when I have a day off.  That’s all.  But Kim was running the class.  He got his sub days mixed up.  Bwaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahha.  Yes.  And as Kim was getting class started, he stood there all pathetic and whiny and said things like “you know, I had three cups of coffee…”  What do you want, Bill?  A pity teach?  Go home or get on a bike.  Geeze.  Anyway, so class was good.  I sweat A LOT.  Either b/c  I was sweating chocolate or b/b I haven’t been in a while.  Anyway, I decided it was time to get some clip in shoes, but they are not “in season” or whatever so Sports Authority isn’t carrying them (lame.)  I bought some online:  They are sweet.  They should be here Tuesday.  Yay.  (And my research prior to ordering included a text conversation w/ Misto–did you know she Spins several times a week, too?)

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After Spin, on my way to work, I got a beautiful, orgasmically gratifying neck crack in.  Like C1-C… whatever the last one is.  C6?  Which was great.  Except I had my appointment with Dr. Borman scheduled, and since it cracked yesterday morning, it wouldn’t (and didn’t) when I saw him in the afternoon.  Couldn’t have happened three days ago.  Lame.  Anyway, got to my appointment and one of the first things he did was crack the upper part of my back.  When I get stressed, I get a huge knot in my right shoulder blade.  It was the size of a clementine for a while in like 2005.  It hasn’t been an issue lately, and wasn’t really yesterday, but it was definitely forming and that area was tight.  Anyway, he cracked that top part of my back and it was UH-MAZE-iNG.  OMG.  I was like “alright see you later.” Afterward because that was sooooo what I needed.  I stayed for the UltraSound massage, though.  And he fixed my elbow (it creaks when I do my pushups.)

Anyway, then, like a dumbass, I went to Off Skates/Speed Skates.  Oh well.  Oh, and Tim used all the Epsom Salt.  Boys!  Ugh!

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Buckling Down. Again. For realz this time. No–really.

Food: 2271/ 1772  😦 

  • Turkey Sausage Sammie w/ 1% milk, coffee, sugarfree vanilla creamer
  • Apple, Yoplait Greek w/ Fruit and Granola
  • …  Two Dove Dark Chocolates.
  • …  Two mini KitKat bars…
  • Two more Dove Dark Chocolates.
  • Ham and light swiss on wheat.  Naked Green Machine (10 oz).  1% Cottage Cheese.
  • … four more Dove Dark Chocolates (Karen put them in my hand–not my fault!  Ok she put three in my hand.  They were gone before I tasted them, so I needed one more…)
  • Giant Leafy Greens salad w/ cherry tomatoes, sugar snap peas, imitation crab meat and light italian dressing with 1% milk

Exercise:

  • 1 mile walk w/ Reilly
  • Spin Class

Ugh.  I need to do some yoga.  After 9 days with virtually no exercise, my legs are tight and sore after spinning. I’m just so tired.  😦 I may yet rally.  We’ll see.  It would burn more calories which would increase my caloric intake which I (of course) exceeded.

Then again I’ve got about 500 calories worth of chocolate in there.  *Sigh*  I didn’t really try to resist them.  They are in the library now.  On my desk.  Staring at me.  Calling to me, saying “I am your favorite kind of chocolate.  Think how creamy and delicious I am.  You know you love me more than Hershey’s dark chocolate, because I am Dove Dark chocolate and I melt in your mouth.”  So then I put one in my mouth and suck to feel it melt away whist coating my tongue in its chocolate glory, dissolving to delicious nothingness.  But then I get greedy and want more chocolatey goodness so I bite into it–another wonderful sensation altogether–and chew and swallow it’s creamy glory.  Then I’m sad I didn’t let it dissolve so I try again.  Same failure.  I should give up.  (You really need to eat those things with a good Pinot Noir anyway, or it’s a complete waste.)

I commented on the hardship of chocolate accessibility on facebook today, and Dosa and Sunny are agreed to continue this TBT hell another two weeks, so I said fuck it and jumped on that bandwagon, too.  At least we’ll be miserable (and skinny bitches) together.  Rowdy I’ve noticed has responded with “likes” and amused comments, but no affirmation of another two weeks.  Piper and Newt are completely ignoring us crazies, though. (Can’t say I blame them.)  Anyway, December 15th.  We can make it.

I have to say, though, if I’m going through this misery another two weeks, Ima fucking do this shit right.  No more damn chocolate all day long.  No more cheat-kends or full cheat days.  I’m not gonna say no cheating, because that’s a recipe for disaster, but I don’t want to go all out ever.  That’s what got me off the bandwagon in the first place.  So cheat meals or cheat treats.  Maybe like one a day.  One glass of wine or one chocolate or if it’s a “cheat day,” one meal or one six pack.  No going nuts. Something like that.  We’ll see how it goes.

As I was warming up for Spin Class this evening, perusing the December Fitness Guide, looking at all the classes I might be able to attend during finals week (when we have half days at school) or during my two week break, I thought “maybe I should TBT another three weeks–til December 21!”  And about 25 minutes later when the sweat started pouring and my legs started shaking I realized that was the crazy talking.  The point is to change habits and move forward positively.  Exercising more.  Eating healthier and less.  Managing those extra “empty” calories.  I’m going longer because I don’t think I’m there yet.  I’m giving myself an extra two weeks to get there.  To remind myself what empty calories can do and that I am capable of avoiding them.

Before this TBT, I didn’t exercise outside of derby.  I won’t stop when TBT is over, and I shouldn’t.  Continuing to exercise after TBT ends doesn’t mean I should extend TBT–I shouldn’t.  I should move forward with these new habits I’ve taught myself.  After the 15th, though, I will be done with this “dieting” bullshit.  I fucking hate it.  Hate.  Loathe.  Ughhh.  But it’s good for me, and I need to learn to manage my caloric intake better.

I think that’s all for now.

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