The Vascillation Cont-inues…

Food:

  • Honey Nut Cheerios w/ Almond Milk, banana, coffee w/ SugarFree Caramel Macchiato creamer
  • Apple, Greek yogurt w/ fruit and granola
  • Subway turkey w/ avocado, all the veggies, no cheese, honey mustard, MOR carbonated water, Parmesan Sun Chips
  • Dove Dark Chocolates.  Hershey’s Special Dark.
  • Pork Chop w/ BBQ sauce, garlic triscuits, Crystal Light
  • 2 Diet Cokes
  • Bag of M&Ms
  • Oreos and Milk.  Real 1% milk.
  • Wine.

Exercise:

  • 50 toe pushups
  • 25 cobras, 25 v-ups
  • Lunch Walk, Stair Climb, etc.

I had a great day yesterday.  I worked 14hrs.  (6:45am-8:45pm. Basketball Clock.)  I really enjoyed everyone’s old school derby photos and the stories that went with them.  Plus it was cool how everyone positively responded to my idea.  By the end of the day, when Gaygan told the derby world to join us, I was beaming and felt like a total badass.  I went home and told Tim all about it.  And Tim was proud of me, too, and posted a picture from my actual first bout.  On my drive home, I felt certain the influx of chocolate would surely end, now that I recognize my own badassery.  Alas.  It was not to be.  😉

Because I had a busy day, I took a walk during my lunch break.  I felt naughty and kept looking over my shoulder.  (At one point the school’s security golf cart did take off from the school in my direction…)  Other than that… it was great!  I walked about…  2-3 miles?  I wanted to get my 10,000 steps in yesterday, even though I’d be working all day.  Then during basketball, I walked up and down the main hallway stairs between games and at halftimes.  I not only achieved 10,000+ steps, I also climbed 40 floors (a personal best, I think, and I didn’t even have to climb up to Dr. Borman’s office!)

Oh–Almond Milk for breakfast.  Apparently dairy is bad for me.  I have a consultation w/ Cruelie coming up, and I think she will say it is bad…  Sunny seems in agreement.  So I bought Almond Milk to try it out.  It was fine on my cereal until I got to the bottom and tried to drink it.  Okay, I succeeded in drinking it but it was all thick and creamy like whole milk and ew.  EWWWWW.

Anyway, so I went to bed feeling a total badass and then I woke up all bleeeehhhhhgh again.  *Sigh.*  This is getting so old.  It’s draining.  Regulate, damn it.  Maybe if I stop eating chocolate all day long.  I emailed Sweets asking her to help me prioritize my derby goals.  I start one and never master it then work on something new, etc.  Plus Blew & I need a Cont training plan, so I’d like some help with that.  Maybe prioritizing will help and I won’t feel so “what’s the point.”

I would argue the only person I see working harder than me is Sweets herself.  That doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t doing it, just that’s what I see at practice.  She’s also there early, but she does more than roll around aimlessly.  She also focuses on drills, etc.  So it’s hard feeling like I work harder than a bunch of people that just moved above me.  And I got this “Most Improved” award, right?  And everyone thinks that means I’m doing well.  Well.  Based on the current layout of things, I think it means I must have really really sucked a year ago and I’m “meh” now.

Everyone else thinks I’m a badass.  Why can’t I?  Or, I do… for a bit…  then I just don’t see it anymore.  Why is it so fleeting?

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1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    sunnyd605 said,

    i don’t have a lot of answers for your questions. i can tell you that i understand the blue feeling, and also not understanding where it is coming from. i have it too. it’s relatively new and i don’t understand why it is here. i do not like it though.
    and i also hear you on the award thing. the sugars named me “most underestimated” … which i know was meant as a compliment. but i was like oh, ok? thanks?


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