Justin Bieber is ruining my life.

Food:

  • Coffee, creamer, Honey Nut Cheerios w/ banana & 1% milk.
  • Apple
  • Snap peas, celery, red/yellow bell peppers, VitaRain Zero, Brussel Sprout Lo Mein, Rice Krispie.
  • Green Machine w/ Greek yogurt & No Bake Energy Bite  (a big ‘un, though.)

Exercise:

  • 50 toe push ups
  • 25 crunches
  • 25 cobra reverse crunches
  • Most of a Die practice
  • My own practice (weird.)

I haven’t been sleeping.  And while I managed to eat ~1800 calories yesterday, it felt like I’d eaten nothing.  Yesterday was a hard day.  Traffic was terrible (Justin Bieber concert,) I was late to a Rad Die practice, and if I hadn’t had responsibilities at Conts practice, I’d probably have turned around and returned home rather than fight the traffic.  I left at 4:30 and sat from Lincoln to I-225, finally making it onto the track at 6:25.  I missed a 100 laps opportunity, then wasn’t warmed up and had to sit out during the Black Widow a bit, too.

I’m super disappointed in myself right now.   I know I’m doing better, and yesterday I was over here ready to work at it some more, but.  Well.  A part of me really is saying fuck it all and giving up.  Last night was hard for me.  I sat out part of the Black Widow because I was fighting tears and my throat was closing up and I couldn’t breathe.  I let them take me in the car on the way to practice, home, and on the way to work, and I’m sitting here fighting them again.  No reason.  I’m being stupid and feeling sorry for myself for no reason.  But I’m having a very “why try” day or two and am really struggling not to give up.

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3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    dosapayne said,

    Meaness, you are kicking ass, I think all of us go through this! Dont cry it makes me sad! To bad you can’t see yourself the way others do, at scrimmage on sunday you where killing it! Big hugs to my meaness

  2. 2

    sunnyd605 said,

    now you listen here little buddy. we ALL have those days. nothing goes right, we feel like failures, and we break down and cry. it’s not because you are a failure, it is because you are human.
    try to give yourself a little bit of a break here. you have been working so hard for so long. you have accomplished so much. i was just saying yesterday to queen how proud i was of you and that you are just killing it.
    the conts practice was good. i personally really need to work on lateral movement so that stuff was really helpful for me. plus, the PMers felt welcome and were very appreciative of the invite.
    nobody expects you to be perfect all day ever day. nobody is. we all love you. just relax, remember to have fun, and let the little shit go. even if it is justin bieber.

  3. 3

    sdmonkey said,

    Don’t kick the puppy…just sayin’


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