Buckling Down. Again. For realz this time. No–really.

Food: 2271/ 1772  😦 

  • Turkey Sausage Sammie w/ 1% milk, coffee, sugarfree vanilla creamer
  • Apple, Yoplait Greek w/ Fruit and Granola
  • …  Two Dove Dark Chocolates.
  • …  Two mini KitKat bars…
  • Two more Dove Dark Chocolates.
  • Ham and light swiss on wheat.  Naked Green Machine (10 oz).  1% Cottage Cheese.
  • … four more Dove Dark Chocolates (Karen put them in my hand–not my fault!  Ok she put three in my hand.  They were gone before I tasted them, so I needed one more…)
  • Giant Leafy Greens salad w/ cherry tomatoes, sugar snap peas, imitation crab meat and light italian dressing with 1% milk

Exercise:

  • 1 mile walk w/ Reilly
  • Spin Class

Ugh.  I need to do some yoga.  After 9 days with virtually no exercise, my legs are tight and sore after spinning. I’m just so tired.  😦 I may yet rally.  We’ll see.  It would burn more calories which would increase my caloric intake which I (of course) exceeded.

Then again I’ve got about 500 calories worth of chocolate in there.  *Sigh*  I didn’t really try to resist them.  They are in the library now.  On my desk.  Staring at me.  Calling to me, saying “I am your favorite kind of chocolate.  Think how creamy and delicious I am.  You know you love me more than Hershey’s dark chocolate, because I am Dove Dark chocolate and I melt in your mouth.”  So then I put one in my mouth and suck to feel it melt away whist coating my tongue in its chocolate glory, dissolving to delicious nothingness.  But then I get greedy and want more chocolatey goodness so I bite into it–another wonderful sensation altogether–and chew and swallow it’s creamy glory.  Then I’m sad I didn’t let it dissolve so I try again.  Same failure.  I should give up.  (You really need to eat those things with a good Pinot Noir anyway, or it’s a complete waste.)

I commented on the hardship of chocolate accessibility on facebook today, and Dosa and Sunny are agreed to continue this TBT hell another two weeks, so I said fuck it and jumped on that bandwagon, too.  At least we’ll be miserable (and skinny bitches) together.  Rowdy I’ve noticed has responded with “likes” and amused comments, but no affirmation of another two weeks.  Piper and Newt are completely ignoring us crazies, though. (Can’t say I blame them.)  Anyway, December 15th.  We can make it.

I have to say, though, if I’m going through this misery another two weeks, Ima fucking do this shit right.  No more damn chocolate all day long.  No more cheat-kends or full cheat days.  I’m not gonna say no cheating, because that’s a recipe for disaster, but I don’t want to go all out ever.  That’s what got me off the bandwagon in the first place.  So cheat meals or cheat treats.  Maybe like one a day.  One glass of wine or one chocolate or if it’s a “cheat day,” one meal or one six pack.  No going nuts. Something like that.  We’ll see how it goes.

As I was warming up for Spin Class this evening, perusing the December Fitness Guide, looking at all the classes I might be able to attend during finals week (when we have half days at school) or during my two week break, I thought “maybe I should TBT another three weeks–til December 21!”  And about 25 minutes later when the sweat started pouring and my legs started shaking I realized that was the crazy talking.  The point is to change habits and move forward positively.  Exercising more.  Eating healthier and less.  Managing those extra “empty” calories.  I’m going longer because I don’t think I’m there yet.  I’m giving myself an extra two weeks to get there.  To remind myself what empty calories can do and that I am capable of avoiding them.

Before this TBT, I didn’t exercise outside of derby.  I won’t stop when TBT is over, and I shouldn’t.  Continuing to exercise after TBT ends doesn’t mean I should extend TBT–I shouldn’t.  I should move forward with these new habits I’ve taught myself.  After the 15th, though, I will be done with this “dieting” bullshit.  I fucking hate it.  Hate.  Loathe.  Ughhh.  But it’s good for me, and I need to learn to manage my caloric intake better.

I think that’s all for now.

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2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    batchick said,

    I think your main issue is the strictness of what you consider a “healthy” diet. Maybe you could just manage calories with more moderation. Like an increased percentage of making better choices.


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